One synonym for "holding to shame" could be "reproaching oneself." Another option could be "self-condemning." Additionally, "self-denigrating" or "self-deprecating" could be used to describe this feeling of shame. "Self-loathing" or "self-hating" may also be applicable. Another option could be to use a phrase such as "being ridden with guilt" or "tormented by one's mistakes." The important thing to remember is that different words and phrases can offer nuanced shades of meaning, so it's important to choose the one that best conveys the exact sentiment you are trying to express.